This post was originally posted in 2008. I am currently on vacation from blogging. I will return by August 1, 2012. Have a fabulous summer!
*********
While riding in the car this morning my daughter began to ask some really good questions about a belief system which teaches its practitioners to control themselves based largely on externals. Their primary focus is on how they dress.
My eleven year old has been reading a book entitled Plain Girl. It has sparked a lot of questions in her. YAY for that!
I can get on my soapbox pretty fast over things like this because I believe that it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE for one person to control another persons heart attitudes – at all. It can’t be done with a list. It can’t be done with the right friends. It can’t be done living in the right setting. It has to come from inside each individual person.
This isn’t about any one particular belief system. It’s about our human desire to create formulas. If I’m wearing the plainest clothing and keeping my adornments uninteresting, I can STILL feel vain and prideful over the length of my eyelashes, or the tone of my skin or the direction my knees point when I walk. Pride comes from the inside. That same pride can also come disguised when it makes me say to myself, “Well. At least my _____ isn’t as ____ as ____.” or “I’m so much more ____ than ______.” blechhhhhhhhhh
So – NO. We can’t control our children’s hearts by controlling anything. We can talk about what’s right and wrong and we can pray for them to understand. Then we have to live a life that demonstrates that we believe what we’re saying.
Will that guarantee that they turn out like we hoped? No. But, really I’m not responsible for who they choose to become. I’m responsible to show them honestly who I am and to help them grow up with the knowledge that they have the ability to choose well.
I sure hope at least one of them chooses to love knitting!
I think this is such a temptation for us moms. We see pretty quickly that we can’t really control our child so we begin to look around at the world and stamp out feet. It must be the world’s fault that our child faces all these temptations and if the world would just shape up then our kids would be safe. It’s a nice fantasy, but is a fantasy nonetheless. Thanks for reminding us all of that.
I love this Chloe. That is so true about stamping our feet at the world. Perfect illustraion.
So true! I had to laugh when you said you hope one of them takes up knitting!
>I LOVE YOU Robin! You are, as always, so right. The problem with me is that I, too, long to control the externals and like Job’s friends, sometimes believe they are an accurate depiction of all that lies beneath. Oh, that I would have the mind of Christ and the eyes to see myself for who I am – really!
>Excellent thoughts, Robin. Controlling the external gives us a dangerous illusion of being able to control everything else. Instead, God wants us to love our kids and trust Him for the outcome. That’s really hard. I love how you wrote it.Blessings,CatherineP.S. Neither of my kids loves knitting. Obviously, I can’t control outcomes.